Chronicles of Little Han 01

Lord of the Rings.

hiya people,

Got a question. u know..

If u were a chick in the Lord of the Rings era..

Would u sleep with a) Aragon or b) Legolas?


This is Aragon, a descendant of the lost line of ancient kings.


Legolas, some elf from Mirkwood.

and who the hell is Eunice Lum?

One day you ve got it? u know..

the next.. u re sitting on the couch alone at home channel-surfing on a lovely Saturday night. loser. But. u know. Have u ever wondered why do some people fade into obscurity as quickly as they rise to prominence in ur life?

And who the hell is Eunice Lum?

On the World Wide Web that is also affectionately known as the Internet, romance is f**king hard to find. u know. Really horrendous, obese girls lie about their weight, gay boys pretend to be hot chicks as they chat up other hot-blooded jocks, social sites like friendsters got u hooked online for hours as u attempt to locate ur childhood sweetheart, and despite what the regulatory authorities may claim, online porn has unquestionably remained the sole reason why the Internet was invented in the first place.

Okay, actually the last one was made up. In fact, all of them are made up.. just that the last one was really really made up. Hahaa.

on a serious note though, there remains one phenomenon guaranteed to make the heart flutter a bit and hairs on the back of the neck stand up: the emergence of that dream girl, the sight of that chick who actually replied to ur messages. genuinely. u know.

But then, for every ?Eunice Lum?, there is a melancholic flip side. Just as many people wistfully recall great corners turned wrongly, most internet geeks have their lost online love: the really hot chick whose replies never fail to set their hearts beating. The hot chick whom they could have lived the rest of their lives with. The hot chick who turned out to be a really fat and ugly ?babe? who doesnt shave her legs. Or worse, a he.

Ask any internet geek and they will reveal their own versions . But at least, it brought them nirvana. For a bit. Before they got hurt. Truth hurts. a lot. u know.

So, before u decide to fall in love with that new girl u got to know online, u ve got to weight ur options, especially when u do not have any. u know. There are no guarantees, but there are definitely exceptions. Eunice is one of them. lovely.

The seductively infinite potential of the promise of love is the essence why the internet is so popular. And why the failure of one after another ?relationships? is so heart-rending. (besides the fact that porn is still, and will always be the no.1 thingy online :P)

And for such issues, unless u ve been there urself, u know... u cant understand it.

Ultimately, perhaps, u can definitely just happen to stumble upon that very special someone on the Internet, although some Internet geeks are simply transfixed by misfortunate.

In 1996, a very young lad spent hours online with a really hot chick and thought that he would want to spend the rest of his life watching grass grow with her. He wanted to do nothing except rush home after school to be with her. He loved her. a lot. I think.

Until one day, he decided to print out her picture and show it to his friends. He had nothing in his mind, he just wanted to announce to the rest of the world that he loves her. A lot.

Just as he was printing it out, her mum walked in and was appalled.

The Internet connection was cancelled the following working day.

The love ended. The relationship was over.

Come on! He is only 13 and its the first time he saw a naked woman. and she was smiling seductively at him. I mean? its okay to mistood that for love right? (was it just me or does everyone feel the same too? Hahaa)

porn at 13.

Then again.. I am at my best at digressing again.

What I actually wanted to say was that Eunice Lum is a very lovely girl. And she actually told me this very afternoon that she loves me to bits and would even actually watch grass grow with me. albeit its metaphorically, and not literally..

but what the heck. I totally dig her.

i can play football

oh by the way.. i love football just as much.. u know.. and 427 other things..

Doesnt matter if u dont have the skills.. Passion is all u need.

427 hobbies: Mahjong

One of the 427 hobbies that I have: Mahjong.

A hobby.. u know.. is typically defined as an activity or interest pursued outside one's regular occupation.. and is engaged primarily, for pleasure.

Therefore, i think i am kind of right to conclude that a hobby can be a way of relieving stress.. u know.. kind of like ?getting away from it all?. But then.. the problem is.. what is it that u are getting away from? Why is there the need to be distracted? U know.. are u running away from something? (these are.. by the way.. rhetorical questions.. there is no need to seek an answer for them..)

well.. think about those people who fish? or play games all day in front of the computer? and dont... dont get me started on those geeks who collect stamps..

anyway.. hobbies can be a little bit fun.. but u know.. they tend to get us off ?the path?.. so to speak.. its like they are the poor substitutes for real accomplishments.. u know.

I ve always had countless hobbies growing up.. u know.. and i was always seeking out new ones.. kind of like an attempt to fill a certain void which I didnt want to admit was there.. u see.. I didnt want to grow up.. I didnt want to wake up from my dream.. I didnt want to realize that I am no longer sheltered by an asylum known to the rest of the world, simply, as ?childhood?.

and anyway, for ur information... I have no idea why I mentioned the above..

u know.. in fact, I just want to touch on one of my 427 hobbies.. which is mahjong.

Some might define mahjong as an evil form of gambling.. okay.. whichever form of gambling isnt evil.

however.. i dont think so.

Mahjong is a great tool to use as u figure and find ur way out of ur ?childhood?. It teaches us to be flexible.. to make the best out of which-ever situation.. u know. It also makes sense of all the statistical studies and correlations which we picked up someway along our imposed education. and in life.. there is always an element of luck to it too...

A hobby gets our minds off life.. but mahjong, it enhances life.

u know.. it teaches us various lessons.. such as to adapt and change according to the current circumstances.. but most of all.. for me? it teaches me not to settle for less.

Take for example u current have 3 ?tais? on hand.. but its possible to make it a maximum of 5 ?tais?? what do u do? Do u accept mediocrity and try to game as soon as possible?

Hell no!

Of course u try to make it 5 ?tais?? okay I know people always play with their mates and when they win.. they win their mates? dosh.. but hey.. arent ur mates trying to pry ur dosh away from u in the first place?

Would they think that winning too much dosh during the game isnt good for friendship and so they down-grade just for u?

Well.. maybe..

but then.. u know .. in the harsh realities of life.. that doesnt happen.. no chance.. not even in hell!

and doesnt that make mahjong a stressful game?

Well.. in relation to real life.. that?s nothing..

And speaking of the stress.. I thrive on the stress of the game. In fact.. I love the emotions of mahjong? and of course the 'trash-talking' and the 'play-acting'. u know.. when u ?zhi mo? a maximum tai game? u cant find a better feeling.. that is like the best feeling in the world u can experience.. okay.. my ex girl-friends might disagree with that statement.. but what the heck.. :P

and thats part of the reason why I play the game.. the first time I did that ?maximum game?.. I was hooked.. it was sheer euphoria..

its not the money won or lost that matters.. u know.. people who dont play the game dont understand how important it is to win..

Its similar to the drive to excel in the tasks that u embark on.. u might think that I am a tad too competitive? but think about it.. the moment u lose.. or suck at something which u are really involved.. no amount of money can buy away that sense of disappointment u are feeling.. u could have great grades and a really hot girl-friend.. or a sleek set of wheels or whatever..but if u ve lost.. u just dont care about it.. u do not even see or bother about how complete or wonderful ur life is..

People might think that they feel terrible when they lose.. but I can promise u that.. however bad they felt.. I am feeling it twice as much.

Hahaa.. come to think of it.. it seems like a terrible plight to be seated at a square table with 3 other players..

Maybe I shall go to bed and start collecting stamps from tomorrow onwards..

Goodnight.

What drives you?

what drives you? U know..what really drives you in this life?

Think hard about that for a minute.


I sincerely hope that something do drives you, though I know that some people just arent driven at all, arent compelled to do whatever it is they want to do with their lives. They re pretty much content with mediocrity?or sometimes, even less than that. (i cant find a word to illustrate that) u know.. They re like the backseat passengers in life, taking up space and going wherever the driver takes them to? well.. at least they are better than backseat drivers(this group of people are simply sausages!).. alright I shall give them some credit then.
What drives me?

Death.

I know it sounds a tad morbid, but I dont really see it that way.. and I dont want u to too. Death drives people like me. u know.. I live with the knowledge that this.. the fun and games.. the great company u have.. the possessions in ur treasure chest.. is all going to end someday. u know?I am, in many ways, haunted by clocks and calendars. Each minute, each day goes by and they will never come back to u? and I dont gamble this life on the chance of an afterlife either.. u know.. the things u learn in churches. i ve tried to believe, but my personal conclusion is that erm.. I havent concluded yet.
Being driven by death is a double-edge sword. (live by the sword, die by the sword)

u know.. it drives you to succeed in this one life and experience things as well as explore your limits. It puts a fire under your ass when you catch yourself wasting your precious time watching re-runs of channel 8 dramas you didnt enjoy the first time.. or surfing thru friendster-profiles checking out chicks u will never get to meet...
well actually.. come to think of it.. i am also afraid of something else.. instead of death..its the rut. u know.. routines. Because when our lives get stuck in one, the ticking of the clock as the day goes by?becomes louder and much faster.

The problem is f**king clear: life is full of ruts and routines. Jobs can become ruts; relationships can become ruts. U know?human beings are programmed to follow routines; it's kind of like a survival mechanism. We tend to seek stability. But after years of supposed stability, we will only discover instead, that we ve only found stagnation.

Even the most important things in our lives, our family, or even money, can pull us into a rut. u know?people go to work, go through the motions of our daily routines, go to bed, and start over again the next day, more like wind-up robots than people. And for those of us who can hear it, the clock, the ticking gets louder.
I wrote above that I hope something drives you. But u know? maybe thats more of a curse than a blessing. Sometimes i'm really envious of those happy-go-lucky people who are happy with what they have, happy with their station in life, content simply with what is happening to them now instead of what could be happening to them. Because for them, the rut is as comfy as a raffles hotel suite bed and the clock is on silent. (probably digital instead of quartz)

as for those of us who hear the ticking, we must learn to strike a balance. But the choice is tougher to make than we once thought. our lofty teenage ideas are often clouded by the realities as we enter our 20s. The rut, the routines, are often pitted against responsibility. U know.. think about that: every time you checked the clock, you got a little reminder that this year, this day, this hour, could be the last? But ?living everyday as though it is ur last? is a little more difficult when you have to work from 8 to 6, walk ur dog, take your sis to soccer, your bro to library, and your mum from work.

The hands of the clock become a blur. Part of your mind screams for its hands to stop, and part is tempted to just get comfortable and drowsy watching their hypnotic march as ur life slips by. Part of you also worries that stopping the spinning hands might be like ur naked finger into the steel blades of the kitchen fan.

Anyway. Do u want a solution for all this? A one-liner happy conclusion? A scrap of fortune cookie wisdom that shows you the silver lining in this bleak cloud?

I dont have it for you.

I'm standing here too, watching the clock with my naked finger and a steel kitchen fan.

Remember.. we will all be dead one day.

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Something to look forward to..

Well I ve heard this saying somewhere or from someone that there are three keys to happiness:

1) Something to do

2) Someone to love

3) Something to look forward to

it sounds pretty true.. especially the last one.. u know. I read in some gay-looking mag that a yearly vacation reduces the risk of depression and illness. i mean.. what the hell??? How possibly could a week or two of bumming around half-naked on packed beaches or shopping eating shopping eating and a little bit of sight-seeing make up for the stress of the other 50 or 51 weeks of the calendar?

Come to think of it? maybe it is the fact that we look forward to our vacations that keeps us hopeful and in improved spirits. Imagine.. if you re f**king stressed, tired, unhappy, or generally pissed off at the world, simply knowing that you have a holiday coming up can settle you down quite a little bit.

u know.. u ill take a deep, deep breath and say, "Well, this sucks, but in 2 days i will be on Siloso beach, so screw it!"

Right?

Right now I am going thru some kind of a rut whereby I have to go to camp and 'go thru the motions' 5 days a week.. it sucks.. and i am very sick and tired of it.. u know.. been doing it for a year and a half now..

and recently, I ve been struck by some eye infection and I ve had quite a bit of medical leaves.. and it makes me happy.. u know.. the moment u get like ..say.. 3 days MC.. and immediately u felt better on the spot.. just like the monkey on my back, Sergio, had caught sight of another hot monkey-chick and hop off to talk her into having some 'bananas'?

But what f**k? u know that Sergio will be back in 3 days.. but still, u felt great for the moment..

Speaking of which.. I still have like about half a year or so to go before National Service ends.. but I do get to clear like a month plus of leaves and offs at the end of it.. so I look forward to that. A lot.

So at the end of this article.. what on earth am i talking about?

Take leaves every now and then, even medical leaves. Its good for you.

Have u ever wondered?

WILL THERE EVER

BE A BOY BORN

THAT CAN SWIM

FASTER THAN A SHARK?

A series of bad corners turned.

u know.. my childhood's very sheltered. in fact, i think that i've been over-sheltered at times while i was growing up. u know.

I've been leading a charmed life until.. i dont know when specifically.. maybe it was when i graduated from poly. That was when i actually got out of the shelter and into the harsh realities of life. Well.. it hasnt been long since that particular corner.. but u know.. i've definately learnt a lot more about life.. the series of events which i ve went thru.. it taught me things which i could never learn in school. i think.

How i wish i had taken that step earlier.. it has changed me.. beyond a shadow of a doubt..

In hindsight, perhaps luck had run out for me. u know.. i hadnt much practice dealing with the big knocks.. the kind of blows one had to take when they explore their limits and push their luck.. i might have been crushed by the consequences of some of my bad corners..u know.. and also the imaginary monkey on my back, which i ve decided to name 'sergio'.

okay, actually there isnt any monkey. its imaginary.. its just that sometimes i need a scapegoat.. u know.. someone else to put the blame on.. other than myself.

my life, like anybody else's, has been full of lessons to be learnt.

Blessed Christmas!

Been a little bit busy lately.. though i am clearing my leave. and u know.. in fact.. i ve been clearing too much leave and off.. and i dont feel like going back to camp anymore.. (okay, who does?)

This christmas.. is not like any other christmas.. u know.. and i can see why.. because its a little bit different..

There was the 'traditional' Christmas gathering that my buddies of 427 years organised.. its been running for 427 years. u know. really hope that it will go on for another 427 years.. i m blessed to have met them and they to have met me. i think.

other than that.. something really lovely happened.

the Lord, yes.. the mighty God above, who has been touching peoples lives.. answering their prayers.. and 427 other great acts.. came into me life. u know.. i am not sure if He has always been there.. but u know.. u know.. okay.. i dont know how to put it into words.

All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the guilt and sins of us all.

Isaiah 53:6

u know.. people who know me a bit.. or regulars of me blog.. know that i am not one of the best-behaved lads in the world.. and i live me life according to me own sets of principles.. it has gotten out of hand and to an extent that i even named it the 'Tao of Han' and got it in pdf format, u know.. u can get it in 3 easy payments of $427.99.. okay I digress.. but u know.. just like sheep.. they stray away from the flock without thinking about it.. following their nature to eat and wander.

our sinful nature causes us to chase after our own desires and to go our own way.. u know.. it comes naturally.. we are only humans.

there has always been voices in me head.. u know.. like a monkey always on ur back.. whisper sweet nothings in me ears and telling me what to do.. showing me the thrills of living in this world.

sometimes.. i even do something.. and ended up wondering why i did what i did.. u know. and sometimes.. u know.. i feel horrendous.. totally down and out.

perhaps its due to the weakness of me mind, spirit and character. i think.

but wait.. i would like to say that.. u know.. i ve always thought that there is God.. u know.. its like.. somebody has got to create this lovely world.. though its becoming progressively less lovely.. u know.. i have always been curious.. its like.. dont u want to meet Him? u know..

well.. only lately.. for one reason or another.. u know.. its just like coincidence.. everything just fall into place.. that i got closer to Him. and 427 thanks to those people who guided me a lot along the way.. i just cant express it in words.. my language isnt strong enough.. u know.. if u ask me to give u an account of everything.. u will probably hear 'u-knows' every other word.. u know.. its like a series of events.. one led to another and the lovely people along the way.. well.. its just lovely. lovely..

Now.. i hope to deepen me relationship with God. and maybe say goodbye to the monkey on me back.. u know..

Lastly.. have u guys have a blessed and lovely year ahead. (lovely because its one of me favourite words.. and i ve got to use it. u know.)

God bless.